It always works out

 I must not be the only one that says today will be different. And then maybe it is but I know that it wont last very long and so I don't really feel any accomplishment, because what's the point?  I know I will probably fall back into this bad habit tomorrow. Or maybe in a week. I see quotes like consistency is key, and successful people are consistent. So will I be successful if I can't be consistent? Will anything I do actually make a difference?  Maybe consistency doesn't always mean doing the same thing every day. Though, that is part of it.  Perhaps consistency is that drive. That drive that wakes up every day and says I really will do it! And then falls and fails and feels frustrated and still gets up the next day and tries. And feels like there's no point but still makes that call. Feels like there's no point but still tries. Consistently getting up again. Maybe not that day or the next. But eventually. Perhaps consistentcy is feeling like there's no ...

Life can be full and good and beautiful, yet there is an aching hole. I think of how often we try to cover it. Try to hide it and push it away and fill it.  And when it comes to the three weeks and the nine days and then its Tisha bAv. I try to just avoid thinking about the hole.  The unanswerable questions. But I feel it in my jewish soul.  Unanswered questions scare me the most. Eicha! The cry of the jewish soul.  Why? Why do you forsake your children that you love so much? If you love us? Perhaps it would even be easier if we knew we weren't loved. It would make sense But Judaism doesn't make sense.  Pain doesn't make sense Darkness doesn't make sense Exile doesn't make sense.  It's one big WHY? One big cry and lament. And I think perhaps many of us have gotten comfortable in this exile. Easier to give up to not ask the unanswerable questions. To not feel the pain.  And that's the biggest exile of all. When there's too much pain you just can't eve...