Something missing

Life can be full and good and beautiful, yet there is an aching hole. I think of how often we try to cover it. Try to hide it and push it away and fill it. 

And when it comes to the three weeks and the nine days and then its Tisha bAv. I try to just avoid thinking about the hole. 

The unanswerable questions. But I feel it in my jewish soul. 

Unanswered questions scare me the most. Eicha!

The cry of the jewish soul. 

Why?

Why do you forsake your children that you love so much? If you love us?

Perhaps it would even be easier if we knew we weren't loved. It would make sense

But Judaism doesn't make sense. 

Pain doesn't make sense

Darkness doesn't make sense

Exile doesn't make sense. 

It's one big WHY?

One big cry and lament.

And I think perhaps many of us have gotten comfortable in this exile. Easier to give up to not ask the unanswerable questions. To not feel the pain. 

And that's the biggest exile of all.

When there's too much pain you just can't even feel it anymore. 

So I have been thinking what is missing? What is that aching endless hole? That hole many of us try to hide and fill and avoid. 

 We can have all the blessings. We can have a beautiful, meaningful life. Things get better. 

If we want redemption for no more sickness or death, world peace and perfect weather, well is that really redemption? 

It's just a product of it. 

A product of the world's harmony and revelation of G-dliness. Of light and everything making sense. Because we will see it. 

And so what are we really missing? 

Revelation.

 No more unanswerable questions.

No more darkness.

No more pain. 

 The world in that state is a world of perfection. 

An inner state of peace