Deflated balloons

 Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew for hope that I can prove to the world and to myself that I've made it. That I can do it. 

And then it flops and it leaves me feeling like a deflated balloon. Because that's basically what it is. Filling myself up with air only for it to pop because I can fool myself but can't fool others and if I can't do something, it turns out it's very apparent. 

Sometimes it really feels like the whole world knows something I don't. Like everyone else is somehow able to do it and I fail again and again. And when I talk to others about that feeling they say they have it too. 

So why do we all feel alone in our incapabilities? If everyone has them? 

Because I think we all try to fill up our balloons. To prove to ourselves and the world that we won't pop. That we can do it. 

Because there are expectations

And we tell ourselves that if we fall short we're failures. 

And most of the time, we do fall short. So most of us are walking around feeling like deflated balloons. 

I don't think the answer is to lower your expectations, they are there for a reason. Expectations keep us accountable to ourselves. Expectations help us grow. 

It's not to lower your expectations, it's to put them in the right area. 

It's not about not having expectation it's about having the right expectations 

 It's about what you do when you fall short. 

You can make another expectations that when I try I fail so I'm just gonna fail and I shouldn't try. 

Or an expectation that, I can try again, or try it different, or maybe this didn't work and I'm blowing up the wrong balloon.

And its frustrating 

Really frustrating when you just can't find the right thing. So the expectation can become one of failure. 

Or one of triumph. 

So I blew up the wrong balloon. Tried to do something to prove to myself and the world that I could. 

And yet, I knew inside that it wouldn't work. 

Because my expectations were in the wrong place. 

And also balloons are bound to pop. 

But your soul never will. Your soul is the little voice that tells you to keep going. 

That your worth is far more than the boss who fired you. 

That no matter how many balloons pop, you never will. 

And so I take that voice and keep going no matter how many deflated balloons fall around me. Because I know, she tells me,  

You'll get it. Just keep trying. You have what to give.